Will Unwound

The school year is over.

I’ll have to wait until September before I can continue volunteering in my grandson’s elementary school library.

I will miss Justin.

When I first encountered Justin, I thought this kid might just drive me out of the library altogether.  Justin is the fastest runner in his class.  The school is built in the shape of a block O.  Justin’s classroom is at the top of the O and the library is at the bottom of the O.  In between is the playground.  When Justin’s class was let out for library hour, Justin would sprint across the playground, dash into the library, grab the two or three remaining copies of Wimpy Kid , and taunt his classmates.

At first I thought Justin was just an eager reader.  It didn’t take me long to realize that Justin was just an eager prankster.  He never really read the Wimpy Kid books; he hoarded them from his envious classmates.  I learned this one afternoon when I said to him, “Justin, which Wimpy title is your favorite?”  He blushed and stuttered and walked away.

That’s when I decided that Justin would be my personal project.  Every week I would make him sit down with me and read from a Wimpy Kid book.  At first, it was agony.  Justin, it seems, has been diagnosed with ADD which in my day was called being fidgety.  He just couldn’t sit still and could barely get through one paragraph without having a desperate need to go to the bathroom.

The next week I brought in a copy of The Ambassadors by Henry James.  If there is a more difficult book to read than The Ambassadors I don’t know what it is. Each page is filled with the most circuitous complex sentences imaginable.

“What’s this?” Justin asked.

“It’s The Ambassadors by Henry James. 30 years ago I was diagnosed with high blood pressure.  My doctor gave me two prescriptions: one was pills and the other was this book.  He told me that I had to slow down. He said this book would slow me down.  It is very hard to read.  It takes five minutes to read each page.  It took me a long time to read this book but I kept at it and finally finished it. Now I love Henry James and read his books all the time. “

“Wimpy Kid doesn’t seem so long now.”

“Exactly my point, Justin.”

That day he read a page.  The next week two …and so on.

By the end of the school year he had read the entire book.

Thank you, Henry James, for scaring a little boy into reading Wimpy Kid.

Act 1: the time: August 14, 1971, the place: Hammond, IN (an industrial urban enclave east of Chicago)

Will – Where are my shoes?

Wife – What shoes?

Will- My only pair of dress shoes!

Wife- In a trunk somewhere between Denver and Chicago.

Will- Oh no! I have to be at work in 30 minutes.  My first day of my first library job.  I can’t wear tennis shoes with my tan pants, my forest green Botany Bay sports coat, and my turtle green J.C. Penney necktie.  I will die of embarrassment.

Act 2: The place: a downtown Hammond thrift store run by the Salvation Army, a half a block away from the library.  Will is banging on the window and trying to get someone’s attention.

Will – Please let me in!  I have an emergency!

Store Attendant – Sir, we don’t open for a half hour.

Will – Please I beg you.  I need a pair of shoes.  It’s an emergency.  I start my first full-time job in 15 minutes and I can’t go in my tennis shoes.

SA – Oh, I can see you are desperate.  Come on in.  We are here to serve the needy.  We have a wide array of men’s shoes.

Will (looking over the shoe rack) – No these dancing shoes won’t do or these golf shoes or these construction boots.  Wait, here’s a beautiful pair of Oxford wing tips.  Perfect.  Hmmmm. 11 narrow.  I take a 9 wide.  I can do this.  I can squeeze my feet into them.

SA- Those are only two dollars.

Will – Here’s the thing.  I’m totally tapped out.  I spent my last buck last night for formula for my baby David.  Here …take my watch as hock.  I get paid in two weeks, but my mother is coming to see me tonight. She’s always there for me.  I can have the money tomorrow.

SA-Don’t worry.  We trust you.  We work with needy people all the time. The main thing is you have a job. Good luck.  Many of our customers don’t. Where’s your job?

Will – You can find me 3 doors down in the library…at the reference desk.

Act 3:  It’s 5:30 PM.  Will is walking down the back hallway of the library and is headed to the exit door .  His first day as a librarian was a success.  His very first question at the reference desk was “How many dimples are there on the face of a golf ball?”  As he passes the staff lounge he hears two librarians talking.

Librarian 1: What did you think of the new guy?

Librarian 2: He’s either shy or stuck up.  What did you think of him?

Librarian 1: Great shoes!

Police Officer – “Mr. Manley, this is Officer Beardsley at P.D.  It’s 3AM.  Sorry to wake you up but the library has been broken into.”

Me – Oh no.  How  bad is it?

Police Officer – Well, the library appears to be in pretty good shape although I’m no expert in the Dewey Decimal system.

Me – What about the administrative offices?

PO – Well, your office and Miss Francis’ office appear to be untouched.

Me – How about Mr. Richards’ office?

PO – Well, that’s why I’m calling you.  It’s a mess.

Me – How bad a mess?

PO – Ransacked…upside down and inside out. Topsy turvy is the best way to describe it.

Me – I wouldn’t worry about it, Officer Beardsley.

PO – Why not?  It would appear that Mr. Richards is your library’s money man.  The sign on his door says Business Manager. If I were you, I’d be very concerned.

Me – Our nickname for Mr. Richards is Pigpen.  Does that answer your question?

PO – He can’t possibly keep his accounts and records straight in that mess.

Me – He actually does.  The man’s a perfectionist.

PO – But there are piles of files all over the floor.

Me – It works for him.

PO – Okay.  Then I won’t worry about it.

Me – Goodnight Officer Beardsley and thanks for your concern.

Everyone in the library profession basically agrees upon two things: 50 Shades of Grey is a pornography inkblot test and networking is where it’s at.

Frankly if networking is where it’s at for professional success, can’t we be more creative than the 4 Fs: Facebook, FlickR, Fritter, and Fiendfeed?  Here are 9 networks I’d like to see:

NECRONET: This is the perfect network for librarians who want to keep in touch with deceased library practitioners.  By communicating through individuals qualified in the art of the occult, this network provides contemporary librarians an opportunity to match wits with the likes of Melvil Dewey, Isadora Gilbert Mudge, Gertrude Mustard Strong, and Constance Winchell.  This organization also gives ALA members an opportunity to keep their membership alive even after death.  A slogan?  NECRONET: WE ARE DYING TO SERVE YOU!

CHOCNET: It is no secret that the library profession’s drug of choice is chocolate.  This network gives the true chocolate lovers in the profession an opportunity to get together and have chocolate unconferences and even chocolate camps to explore chocolate in all of its meta glory.  Some program ideas: “Employee Motivation: Say it with Hersey Golden Nuggets” or “The Ethics of Spending Library Money on Godiva Chocolates During an Economic Downturn.” A slogan?  EAT CHOCOLATE UNTIL YOU FAINT.  Let’s not forget that  chocolate possession, sales, and consumption is legal in all 50 states, and there is no legal limit to the amount of chocolate you can consume while driving a motor vehicle.

NERFNET: Nerf basketball is an activity that is on the rise among library administrative types.  Not only is it trendy to hang a nerf hoop in your office or cube but it is a good way to deal with stress and unlike surfing the net it leaves no trace that the local newspaper can investigate. For a time waster you can’t beat it.  The purpose of NERFNET is to organize a single elimination Nerfball Tournament at every ALA Midwinter Meeting (good grief what else are you going to do in Chicago in January…sit in the bar and tell metadata war stories?).  Slogan?  SLAM DUNK A NERF BALL, NOT AN EMPLOYEE!

HAIRNET: This is a support group to deal with the librarian hair issue.  Many librarians are very concerned about the “hair in the bun” stereotype, but they need help and support to do something different with their coiffure.  Changing your ‘do is one of the most traumatic things that a person can do because when you change  your hairstyle, you change your personna.  Slogan?  JUST ‘DO IT!

FISHNET: This is an organizational option for those librarians who are passionate about fishing and who are tired of the whole hospitality suite, cocktail party, and wine and cheese ALA conference rat race.  These librarians don’t want to go to boring social events during their conference leisure time.  They want to fish!  Given the cities where ALA holds its conferences this can sometimes be a challenge.  For instance, where do you go to fish in Dallas in June?  Slogan?  ALA SHOULD HOLD ITS CONFERENCES ONLY ON ISLANDS!

CATNET: Tired of all the power point presentations at library conferences?  Sick of these presentations being filled with photos of kitties?  This is a group where you can show your kitty power points to your heart’s content without risking the scorn of those of us who love cats but are tired of them as being a prop for some obscure metadata concept or some cheesy “user experience” insight.

DRAGNET: Cross dressing is the decided preference of millions of Americans, some of whom are librarians.  Since cross dressing is not completely socially acceptable in our work places, those who engage in this practice need support and understanding.  That’s the purpose of DRAGNET, to put cross dressers in touch with each other at conference time.

HORNET: The closets of America are filled with unused trumpets, French horns, trombones, and tubas.  Isn’t it a shame that people who slaved over these instruments in high school rarely get a chance to play them after graduation?  The purpose of HORNET is to give horn playing librarians an opportunity to get together during annual conferences and make some noise.  Slogan? HORNET IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!

BITCHNET: Since librarians do very stressful work under some very stressful conditions, they need a chance periodically to let their emotions all hang out so as not to get so pent up with frustration that they run the risk of experiencing a psychotic episode at the reference desk.  The purpose of BITCHNET is to put a bunch of overstressed librarians in a room, close the door, and let them scream at each other until they get it all out of their systems.  Slogan: BITCH SESSIONS HAVE VALUE!

I am trying very hard to understand the Occupy movement.  I am trying even harder to understand why Library Journal (through its Mover and Shaker Awards) and the American Library Association (through its conference programming) feel the need to highlight the so called Occupy street libraries.

I get what the Occupy movement is against.  Capitalism is evil. Wall Street is evil.  Big Business is evil.  Rich people are evil.  I get that. I even get what the Occupy librarians are against.  In the words of one prominent library blogger, Steve Lawson, the co-founder of the Library Society of the World: “Publishers hate you.  You should hate them back.“

What I don’t get is what the Occupy people want.  To quote Steve Lawson again: “Like the protestors of Occupy Wall Street, I don’t have clear demands. I don’t have a clear solution. But, like those protestors I can also tell when the many are getting screwed to benefit the few.”

This is precisely the issue: what good is a protest movement that has no clear demands and offers no clear solutions?

As a librarian my tendency is to go to books for answers and so I started reading around in the classical literature of anarchism, in particular the writings of Bakunin and Kropotkin. What I found buried in all the dreamy rhetoric of a stateless and classless utopia was a seemingly oxymoronic notion best expressed by the term “creative anarchy.”

It’s a notion that you can also find in the writings of Marx and Lenin.  Basically it means that you create an atmosphere of disorder and destruction (anarchy!) to expedite the collapse of the existing political and economic system so that something new and just can emerge.  A memorable phrase from the Vietnam War comes to mind: “We destroyed the village in order to save it.”

Creative anarchy actually is a notion that I have seen applied to organizations, even libraries.  Typically a board of trustees will bring in a machete waving director to clean house and paint the walls red.  The understanding is that this director won’t be around to do the rebuilding because she or he will have made too many enemies to be able to do an effective job of rebuilding.  I lived through one of these 6 month free for alls and believe me it was no fun.

But I have to admit that over time we ended up with a much better organization.  What’s the expression: No Pain, No Gain!

How about you?  Does creative anarchy work for you?

I grew up in an idyllic little town in a Beaver Cleaver family.  Everyday at noon I would walk the one block from my elementary school to my home to have lunch.  Mom was always there with a smile, a sandwich, and a big helping of love.  I think our noon time lunch habit is where I developed a knack for storytelling.

Mom always wanted to know in great detail what happened at school that morning.  Somehow I felt the need to entertain her and so I quickly learned the fine art of embellishment.  A single in the morning recess baseball game became a game winning grand slam home run.  A routine fire drill became a three alarm fire.  An air raid drill (these were the days of “duck and cover”) became an all out nuclear war with the Soviet Union.

Mom was always very attentive and very appreciative for everything I had to say about my school days.  Yes, Dad  cared too but he wasn’t around at lunch time.  This was my time with Mom and I always tried to make the best of it.   She was my first audience.

Some things never change over time. I am now retired and the Soviet Union no longer exists but I have lunch with Mom everyday even though I live in Northern California and she lives in Southern New Jersey.

You see this blog is our lunchtime.  Mom continues to be my biggest fan and closest reader.  Each day when I sit down to rap out a blog post my first thought is WWMW…What Would Mom Want?

Speaking of Mom, many of you wrote very nice comments to her following the post in which I wished her a Happy Birthday last month.  Here is Mom’s response to all of  you:

Dear Friends,

Yesterday I led a staff retreat for the wonderful librarians at the San Leandro Public Library.

Kudos to the management for putting together a great concept for the day.  I knew that this was not going to be a day of “visioning” and “navel gazing” when I was told that the new San Leandro city manager had been invited to the retreat and that he had accepted the invitation.  This day would be all about making friends in high places.

As the retreat leader I wondered what the best way to proceed would be.  Fortunately I knew this city manager from my own pre-retirement city manager days.  He’s a good guy, a real good guy…someone who genuinely likes people.

I decided, therefore, to throw away my prepared script for the first hour and just go around the circle of staff and let each one of them talk about themselves and their respective jobs in the library.  I wanted the city manager to see these librarians not as numbers on a budget spread sheet but as the dedicated professionals that I knew them to be.  San Leandro has an excellent library and it all goes back to staff.

My strategy worked like a charm.  The staff responded magnificently.  To a person they proclaimed that librarianship was a calling.  Some even called it a passion.  The emphasis was on the sense of purpose one gets from providing vital services to others.  They talked about their dedication to serving everyone from 1 to 101.  They talked about how busy they were and how desperately many of their patrons needed the resources of the library to survive the Great Recession.  I’m not sure if this city manager harbored any stereotypes about librarians but I’m sure he doesn’t harbor them anymore.  The San Leandro staff is bright, articulate, and very personable.  I really feel they made a connection.

As I was driving home, I got thinking about my own pre-retirement professional career – one that involved 30 years as a librarian and 8 years as a city manager.  For me being a librarian was and is definitely a passion.  It has always transcended mere job status for me.  Being a city manager was definitely an invigorating challenge but it never rose to the level of a calling.  It was in the final analysis only a job, a job that I was only too happy to walk away from in order to reincarnate myself into a retired librarian.

In my days as a library director there were four pet sayings that city managers and city council members used to vocalize that drove me nuts.  Each one was the proverbial fingernail on the chalk board:

• Run Your Library Like a Business…Oh really, which business?  Lehman Brothers?  Borders?  Halliburton?  British Petroleum?  Kodak? Joe’s Barber Shop? Tiffany’s Gentleman’s Club? Wait.  I agree…this is a perfect idea for our library.  We want to be just like General Motors and get a billion dollar bailout!
• We don’t need a public library because we have a university library in town…Oh really, tell that to all the high IQ family members of all the professors at the university that they don’t merit a library of their own.  Tell our patrons exactly where they will be able to park to get to the university library.  Tell the university library patrons to expect an onslaught of kids, drunks, druggies, and homeless in the groves of academia.  Oh, and my academic brethren, be prepared for the digital novice who wants to know where the “any” key is on the computer catalog (as in “start by hitting any key”).
• Put your branch libraries into the schools and combine them with the school libraries…Oh really?  How are you going to screen out the drunks and perverts?  And by the way, where are you going to shelve 50 Shades of Grey?
• The library should be put on a pay for play basis just like the parks and recreation department…Oh really?  The library is an educational institution.  Does that mean we put the public schools on a pay for play basis too?  Are we equating reading to hitting a golf ball?  Of course if you have turned your library into a recreational smorgasbord of video games, dvds, and pop fiction, this issue might present a problem.
  

Service Rep: Sir, what can we do for you today?

Me: I have a 1:00 appointment for a lube and oil and I have a couple of things to be fixed under my extended warranty program.

SR: What items?

Me: Thing 1 is that the catch buttons on the two front seat belts are cracked.

SR: No problem.  We’ll take care of that.

Me: Thing 2 is that the step to the back seat keeps falling off the car.  It’s very dangerous…a real safety hazard. Let me show you.

SR: Sir, that is not a step and your passengers should not be using it as such. That is called a rocker panel.  It is a design feature.

Me: Tell my four year old granddaughter that it is not a step.

SR: Okay, bring her in some day.

Me: To a kid that is a step; it is not a rocker panel.  It is black, is a foot off the ground, and it is the perfect place for her to put her feet in order to climb up into the back seat of the car.

SR: Sir, we are going around in circles.  The rocker panel is not designed as a step so we cannot fix it as a step.

Me: Have you ever heard of the duck test?

SR: No.

Me: If something looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it is probably a duck.

SR: I don’t understand.

Me: If something looks like a step and is in the location of where a step should be, it is probably a step.

SR: Sir, it is not a step.  It is a rocker panel.  We can’t fix your problem if you persist in using it as a step.

Me: I don’t use it as a step.  My granddaughter does.

SR: You need to teach her that this is not a step; it is a rocker panel.

Me: Do you have kids?

SR: No

Me: I didn’t think so.

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Kenneth Clark once said that optimism was the basis for civilization.  His point was that unless people feel good about their future they will not make the long term investments in art, architecture, science, technology, law, libraries, and literature needed to insure that a civilized society keeps expanding, improving, and evolving.

In my lifetime the high point of optimism was the post World War II period, also known as the baby boom era.  Babies abounded, cars were big and flashy, jobs were plentiful, and income was on the rise. For librarians the future was never brighter.  The Libraries and Services Construction Act was passed by Congress and new libraries were being uncrated in every nook and neighborhood from sea to shiny sea.  When I graduated from library school I had seven job offers and I had only sent out seven applications.

Today the mood is different.  The middle class is diminishing, families are shrinking, and cars are ugly.  This is the era of the Great Recession.  Politics have become frayed and divided.  We are now two nations. There are red states and blue states.  The only thing creative going on politically is a right wing Tea Party and a left wing Occupy Movement.  The two extremes are not that different.  The Tea Party wants to dismantle our government and the Occupy Movement wants to dismantle our economic system.  We’ve lost confidence in the ability of our basic institutions to provide us with justice and opportunity.

As for librarians, the mood is fearful.  We are lumped with journalists and Post Office employees as occupations that are on the road to extinction.  And yet we have never been busier.  What does the future portend for us?  Are there reasons to be hopeful?

On Thursday, I will drive over to the San Leandro Public Library here in Northern California to lead a staff retreat.  They’re looking for a pep talk…reminders why they are important not just now but well into the future.  I’ve thought long and hard about this topic and I have my list.

But I’m really interested in your lists.  Why do all of you who come here to the Unwinders Tavern every day to unwind and unload have reason to feel good about the future.  In a word, why are libraries still important?  Free drinks for all who comment.  It’s been too long since our last free drinks day.