Will Unwound

#1: The 3 R’s

Red, Rocky, and Ripper are brothers.  Red is the oldest and Ripper is the youngest.  They are raccoons who live in the crawl space under a 90 year old decrepit little cottage at 711 S. M St. in Livermore, California.  They have lived there for the past five years.    

“Did you hear that?”  asked Ripper.

“Hear what?” responded Rocky.

“Two men talking.”

“Oh, Ripper, have you been getting into old man Jones’ garbage cans again and drinking the dregs from his wine bottles?  Ain’t no human beings been in this house since old man Grabowski kicked the bucket five years ago.”

“I’m telling you I heard two men talking.  There.  Listen.”

The three brothers stopped talking and listened.  Sure enough two men were talking. 

“Any idea how old this house is?”

“The title search says it was built in 1920.”

“And the two buildings on the property next door at 725 M St….hold old are they?”

“Well, we don’t know for sure, but an old timer down the street thinks someone hammered them together in the Great Depression.  The falling down little white shack is maybe 80 years old and that garage with the big hole in the roof goes back to the late 30s.”

“Call me crazy but I’m interested in buying both properties.  I’m a retired librarian and looking for a project  to pull me away from the computer now and then.  Maybe we can go back to your office and talk terms.”

“Sure, what’d you say your name was?”

“Will.  Will Manley.”

Red, Rocky, and Ripper looked at each other with wide eyes.  Finally, Red, the elder brother, spoke up, “Don’t worry, guys.  No dude is stupid enough to buy these lots.  We’re safe.”

#2: THE 3 R’S DEFEND THEIR TURF

“Shhh,” said Rocky.

“Why?” asked Ripper.

“Listen!” said Red.

“The Will man is back.”

“And there’s a woman.”

“The Will man’s wife.”

“He had to bring her sooner or later.”

“Oh, this oughta be fun.”

“Why?”

“He’s probably showing her what he wasted his money on.”

“She will be mad, very mad.”

“Well, he can’t carry her up the front steps and over the threshold because the steps are broken down.”

“Be quiet, guys.”

“Yeah, let’s listen in. She’s talking.”

“Will, what’s this notice on the front door?”

“Oh, that, well there are some safety issues.”

“Will, this notice says the house has been condemned.”

“Well, yeah, that’s just temporary until we get things straightened out with the County Board of Health and Safety.”

“Will, it says at the bottom of the notice that the foundation is sagging.”

“Minor detail.”

“Will, you put down 25,000 dollars earnest money on a condemned house?”

“Well, the realtor said someone else was thinking about snatching this place away from me.  I had to act quick. Plus I think it’s refundable.”

“Will, what person would that be?”

“Some crazy sponge artist from San Francisco supposedly said this house spoke to him as a studio.  You know how eccentric those artists are.  Someone like that might actually grab this place.”

“Will, so what you’re saying is you’re crazier than a crazy sponge artist.”

Red had heard enough.  He turned to his little brothers in glee and said, “Guys…here’s our cue. Jump up and run across the lot right in front of the wife and then head pell mell for the garage.”

So the three raccoon brothers ran rapidly right past Mrs. Will Man and into the garage.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!”

Red looked through a crack in the wall, smiled, turned back to the brothers, and said, “Guys I think we’re in the clear.  Mrs. Will Man is lying on the ground. No way this deal is going down now.  Our home is safe.”

“This calls for a celebration,” said Rocky. 

“Yeah,” said Ripper, “let’s check out old man Jones’ garbage can and sip the dregs in his Ripple bottles.

“Boys, give me a high five,” exclaimed Red. 

TO BE CONTINUED